High Hopes
by Shaybo27
Summary: An alternate timeline begs for more differences, and this story explores one to do with Spock. Or, why the Spock in this reality is so emotional. Hint: It has to do with a girl.


Before Spock was born, the doctors and specialists loved to tell her of her chances to conceive. Or rather, lack thereof.

"Though similar in many aspects," They would drone, trying to be delicate and tiptoe but at the same time firm enough to get the point across to this obviously _simple_ human. "Vulcan and human physiology isn't compatible in this way. A naturally conceived child is highly improbable."

Naturally, Amanda was upset by this. She had two sisters growing up and had always imagined children of her own. Little ones that would feel loved and cherished under her protection. When she got married, the vision was only slightly altered as she now wanted children with her husband. She approached Sarek with this topic, his response being irritatingly logical, as always.

"When we decided upon pursuing our relations, many possibilities came to the forefront of my mind. One of those was children and the rarity it is for humans and Vulcans to be suitable in a reproductive capacity. This is something I accepted early on."

"But what if we grow to want children? What if I want to be a mother?" Amanda argued, growing exasperated by the unflinching nature of those around her. She didn't want complacency, she wanted solutions.

"As always, there are options. Besides adoption, cloning therapy has gone a long way in producing healthy offspring. However, I understand that many humans oppose this option for ethical reasons." Amanda rolled her eyes and left to find a different opinion, her husband pondering on what, exactly, he had done wrong.

After this talk, as well as talks with her parents, siblings, and others, Amanda had given up any hope for a child of her own. She wanted a life with Sarek, and if this couldn't include a life with a child from both of them - she could live with it. She had just started to look into the options Sarek spoke of (boy or girl, Vulcan or human, none of the above?) when she went for a routine checkup and found herself three weeks pregnant.

Nine months passed and Spock was born, a tiny, wailing infant that came into the world in the spring. He had her eyes and Sarek's ears and both of them were in love, even if it was only Amanda who showed it outwardly. They had a _family_.

And that was all Amanda ever wanted.

* * *

"Mother, what does this mean?" Amanda and Sarek paused their discussion and turned around to see a four year old Spock clutching the datapad they were currently discussing, one from her last medical appointment. He had a slightly alarmed expression on his face, not having learned to block out all emotion, especially at home. "Are you ill?"

Amanda laughed gently. "Not at all, dear." She sent a warning look to her husband before leaning down to be on Spock's level, smiling kindly. "It means that you're going to be having a sister."

Spock blinked.

"You are… with child?"

Amanda laughed again, because his father had said the exact same thing the hour before when she told him. Sometimes their similarities couldn't be more apparent.

"Yes, Spock. Are you excited to have a baby sister?"

Spock blinked again as his face settled into one of deep contemplation. His parents looked on as his young mind tried to formulate what he was (or was not) feeling.

"As an older brother," Spock glanced up hesitantly at his father. "What do I have to do?"

Sarek thought about the answer before answering his son with his usual seriousness. "Older kin have a duty to pass on any and all knowledge to their legacies. In doing so, you have a responsibility to this person - one to protect them. Do you understand?"

"I," Spock faltered, his face scrunching up a little in his confusion. "I believe so."

Amanda positively beamed at him before kissing his head. "You'll do brilliantly, Spock. Like you always do."

Spock blushed green, but preened under his mother's attention.

* * *

"Why do they make fun of me, Spock?" Spock closed his book with a snap.

"Who makes fun of you?"

"My classmates, the neighbors, practically everyone that I pass in the hall."

Spock looked pensive for a moment before simply saying, "I see." And returning to his book, trying to play it off as if it was a trivial matter. Darda knew him better than that.

"I don't need any help," His sister was quick to deny, and continued before he could respond. "I just don't understand."

Darda had this annoying tendency to try and understand everything. Despite the irrationality of this, Spock found affection for his little sister in her passion. But this was matter he found need to discourage her from, because of her almost naïve, kind hearted nature. So he gave her a rare smile, one that spoke of bitterness and affection, before telling her the honest truth.

"And you never will, ko-kai."

Her face started to crumble so he inquired about her studies, which she could prattle on about for days. As her mood soared with each detail, Spock felt a glimmer of satisfaction in the back of his mind that he would not acknowledge. Like his father had told him to do, Spock was protecting his sister in the only way he knew how. Never mind that he had the same doubts and questions, he was able to help her forget, even if just for a moment.

Spock had come to the conclusion quite a long time ago that though he could logically understand other Vulcans' disdain for them as half-breeds, he would never quite be able to grasp the why involved. _But some mysteries are meant to remain unsolved_ , Spock reasoned as Darda started talking about her recent lessons in history, _this must be one of them_.

* * *

"How big do you think Starfleet is? Is it bigger than the Academy?"

"Guessing is not productive," Spock remarked without inflection, scrolling through the book he was reading. "You possess a data pad. It is within your reach."

"Guessing is a _game_ , kaisu. It's not meant to be productive, it's meant to be _fun_."

"Regardless, it ceases to be a game when you already know the answer."

Darda had done well in her studies, advancing beyond what anyone on Vulcan had predicted for her. She bypassed the Academy in favor of a school that would better help her attain the qualifications needed for her chosen field. Darda wanted to be an architect of all things. Inspired by the history books of Earth and the current marvels of Vulcan, she was already rising through the ranks due to her unique insight. There were not a great many things in which her knowledge surpassed the men in her family, but she was determined that this would be one of them. Whenever a single building was mentioned in a conversation, Darda most likely knew the exact dimensions and structural problems from her research. Starfleet had been no exception.

"Did you know," Darda began speculatively. "That the Golden Gate Bridge has only a small portion of its original self still intact? When they set out to preserve it, they found so many of the original materials outdated or dangerous that they couldn't rationalize building it the same way. The original portion in no way helps the structural integrity and is held aside from visitors."

"Fascinating."

"I thought so." They were both quiet for a moment, content in the silence before Spock glanced up from his book at the time and saw that he would need to leave now if he wanted to arrive home with enough time to check his bags before sleeping.

"I must leave to pack the rest of my belongings." Spock started to collect his things and didn't see the heartbroken and slightly panicked expression on Darda's face.

As Spock turned to leave, he heard her soft voice.

"I will miss you, you are aware."

He turned back and allowed their eyes to meet, hers glassy and his a tad soft.

"I am."

They both paused for a moment, the realization that this would be their last, real moment together a sobering one. He would be leaving Vulcan, leaving _her_ the next day. Tomorrow would be spent around others and they would have to maintain the formalities expected of them, unable to give a last parting word without justifying the Council's words. This was it for them, until they could meet again in the future. Due to their different life choices, that could be years.

Spock lifted his hand in the customary goodbye.

"Live long and prosper, ko-kai."

Her lips wobbled into a smile as she raised her own hand.

"Live long and prosper."

* * *

" _You never loved her!"_

Days after the dust had settled and hours after the most pressing meetings had been attended to, Spock sat in his room, a data pad on the table beside him and James Kirk's words ringing in the air.

The doors slid open with a near silent whir, and Lieutenant Uhura stepped inside. She didn't say anything, just came and sat beside him. She saw the data pad lying on the table and wordlessly, Spock handed it to her.

Lieut- _Nyota_ scrolled through the article.

"Did she build this?"

A nod.

She smiled, looking back down at the picture shown of a gorgeous cathedral. "It's beautiful." She admitted. It was made to liken one of the older Roman cathedrals, but with better materials and a more practical layout. It was quite impressive, especially for her first project, not to mention -

"It's mediocre."

Nyota started at his break from silence and his harsh words. She looked up at her love to explain. He didn't look at her but sighed as he stared off at some unseeing tragedy.

"She had so much more she wanted to do. Grand monuments, sprawling cities, so many ideas to _help_ …" Spock trailed off before he spoke again, frustration coloring his words. "It's an insult that this was the only thing that came to pass. A _waste_."

Nyota stared in disbelief at the _irrational_ rational she had just been witness to. Spock was hurting, but his attempts to distance himself and by proxy belittle his sister's life's work created a quiet fury within her. Instead of saying this, she calmed herself and was silent for a moment before putting the pad in his lap, the picture still enlarged.

"Can you really look at this and tell me that?" She pointed harshly at the church, hoping to draw Spock from his stupor. "From what you told me, she was dedicated but never did anything without truly meaning it. So _logically_ , she couldn't believe it to be a waste, otherwise it never would've been made. Your _sister_ made this, Spock. Take time to appreciate it."

She left him at that, to contemplate her simple words and hopefully find some closure. He did think about what she said, staring down at the legacy of his sister, and couldn't bring himself to agree with her. The beauty that was this church wasn't a worthy placeholder for the brilliance that was his sister. He had always held Darda in high esteem, sure of her as he was of anything. Darda was going to help so many in this universe, of that he had never a doubt.

But now she was gone and he seeing this church in her place created a bitter feeling in his heart.

* * *

Spock knew contacting his elder self wasn't a very thought out or pragmatic plan. It was several months after Nero and he had found the courage to ask him about Darda. He wanted to know how her life would've played out without the unfortunate events that occured. Without the attack that he indirectly caused.

But when her name was brought into discussion, his alternate self could only stare in confusion.

It had never occurred to Spock that, in an alternate reality, his parents' only miracle was him. In the original timeline, Amanda and Sarek never produced another child, but were quite happy with Spock as their only child together. Amanda died old, Sarek remarried, and the only 'Darda' Spock knew of was from Earth's Bible.

* * *

The anniversary of his planet's destruction was a rather somber affair. The captain had made arrangements for them to travel to New Vulcan, but a few rogue Klingons delayed their trip.

So instead, they were having a small memorial on the ship. Most everyone had the day off to comm their families and remember those who were lost. The mess hall had a shrine of sorts with pictures of loved ones messily taped on along with the new Vulcan flag hung in the background next to Starfleet's.

Spock, having a year to think about it, put her cathedral there alongside a picture of his mother.

Kirk sidled up next to him.

"Who's the church for?"

Kirk didn't mean it as an insult, but it smarted somewhat that hers wasn't a work so easily recognized. Instead of snapping with his newfound temper, Spock reflected on what the photo represented, especially to him.

"A remarkable woman." Kirk looked at him in surprise, not expecting him to answer and unsure of the connection she could have with the Vulcan. "If you would excuse me, Captain."

As Spock left, James realized that he hadn't really answered his question. But looking at the worn photo of a hauntingly beautiful cathedral hanging next to the pristine portrait of Spock's mother, Kirk decided it was better not to ask.

* * *

 **Author's Note**

 _Translations:_

 _ko-kai - sister_

 _kaisu - sibling_

 _Darda is Hebrew for "home of knowledge", a name I feel Amanda could've argued for to Sarek given its meaning of hope for their child, but also with a nod to Amanda's origins._

I had a lot of inner turmoil with this story. Pretty much every aspect caused me grief and turned me into one angsty writer. To give you an idea, this oneshot was _supposed_ to be one of my many startups that never seem to hit the ground. I have several stories posted that never made it beyond their first few chapters, but I have quite a few just sitting on my computer collecting dust. This story was started back in November, meant to be my attempt at maybe a Kirk/OC or a Khan/OC, or something of the like. Instead, after writing the goodbye scene, I couldn't really rationalize her surviving Vulcan's destruction. What are the odds that so many people Spock knew would survive?

In regards to Darda herself, she shows quite a bit more emotion than Spock. I attribute this to the choice that Spock has from both species. I think he does lean more towards human in certain instances, but Darda learned to embrace her humanity very early on. Call it womanly compassion or what have you, but she feels emotions and acts upon them even though she knows there isn't much logic to it. I think this would have an effect on Spock as well, so I make him more sentimental.

And I know that in the original timeline Spock has his half-brother, Sybok. But the movies haven't hinted to his existence just yet, so either he's already gone on his own path, or the writers decided to write him off. Obviously, I don't know what they intend, but I made it somewhat open ended, saying that Amanda wanted children with Sarek, Original Spock never had a sister, etc.

I hope you enjoyed this semi-depressing oneshot. I may update in the future with more oneshots of Spock and Darda's past together, given that I've become somewhat fond of her. Let me know if you have any suggestions or scenarios.

Best of luck,

Shaybo27


End file.
